M
MARIPOSA
Guest
2-22-09 My brain is fuzzy this week
I’ve been going through very short daily radiation treatments to my brain and my eyes for a week now. I come home from the hospital each day totally exhausted, my legs feel like wet noodles, I’m a little dizzy, have zero energy, and am only good for about half hour bursts of activity at a time before I fizzle out and want to lay down again. It’s very hard to concentrate on anything and I’m extremely lethargic. If I focus very hard on a task I can see and concentrate long enough to accomplish small projects, like doing dishes, cleaning up one small space at a time, painting a tiny bit of the doll house trim, writing emails, maybe riding along to one store at a time. At this point my vision becomes crapola so I have to stop for a while and come back later to try more. This just seems so foreign to me cuz my normal nature is to just zip through a whole long ‘to do’ list before I finally crash for a
2 hour nap each afternoon. It’s pretty hard to change your own mind set to allow yourself the attitude “don’t worry about it, everything will be waiting for you after you get a little rest.†My nights and days are really mixed up lately. At least I’ve learned to go to bed at night before 2 AM and just lay there resting until I’m actually tired enough to fall sleep. I try VERY HARD not to jump out of bed and work on anything or turn on the TV but try to at least relax and enjoy the rest. This means I’m sleeping in until about noon, but at least I’m averaging more than 2 hours sleep each night this week.
My word finding skills are not sharp lately and I struggle to think of what I’m trying to say or write. My short term memory is shot, very unreliable, and I reply “what?†much of the time when anyone tries to carry on a conversation with me. But I have warned everyone that this would be happening so hopefully they won’t loose their patience with me anytime soon. So far my family and friends have been very understanding about this issue. It’s harder for them to deal with my mood swings cuz sometimes I’m just plain grumpy for no apparent reason. I just respond “I’m sorry†and go climb into bed! LOL I’m monitoring my dizzy spells and my blood pressure spikes very closely. These are the most bothersome aspects of my physical reactions. Not sure if they are due to my own high blood pressure, the chemo meds, the radiation, or the actual brain cancer. And I’m hardly ever hungry lately. At least I still haven’t gotten sick like the doctor predicted might happen after the first 4 days. For that I am grateful. Not sure what I would do if I suddenly had to zoom all the way to the bathroom. I just might fall flat on my face if I tried to get up suddenly and make that sprint. LOL
Tomorrow I have an appointment with the Social Security office to see if I qualify for early retirement, SSI, or SSDI. I got all the necessary medical history and diagnostic paperwork from my doctor and have to track down so much more documentation today. It seems that I may not have worked enough quarters during the past 10 years to qualify for the SSI. We’ll see. Anything is better than what I’m receiving now.
So this is my physical and mental status. Emotionally, I’m just hanging in there, dealing with not driving or working and waiting for the radiation to end and the chemotherapy to resume once again. I can’t wait to try out the brand new infusion center and celebrate with them the excitement of having all of the oncology (cancer) departments in the same wing of the hospital. It will be nice to not have to run all over the place for my different appointments. But most of all, I’m holding my breath to see if my vision clears up, even a little, from this dramatic radiation treatment I’m undergoing. I have faith that it will extend my life a little, but will be eternally grateful if it improves the quality of my life as well.
Hugs, Mariposa
I’ve been going through very short daily radiation treatments to my brain and my eyes for a week now. I come home from the hospital each day totally exhausted, my legs feel like wet noodles, I’m a little dizzy, have zero energy, and am only good for about half hour bursts of activity at a time before I fizzle out and want to lay down again. It’s very hard to concentrate on anything and I’m extremely lethargic. If I focus very hard on a task I can see and concentrate long enough to accomplish small projects, like doing dishes, cleaning up one small space at a time, painting a tiny bit of the doll house trim, writing emails, maybe riding along to one store at a time. At this point my vision becomes crapola so I have to stop for a while and come back later to try more. This just seems so foreign to me cuz my normal nature is to just zip through a whole long ‘to do’ list before I finally crash for a
2 hour nap each afternoon. It’s pretty hard to change your own mind set to allow yourself the attitude “don’t worry about it, everything will be waiting for you after you get a little rest.†My nights and days are really mixed up lately. At least I’ve learned to go to bed at night before 2 AM and just lay there resting until I’m actually tired enough to fall sleep. I try VERY HARD not to jump out of bed and work on anything or turn on the TV but try to at least relax and enjoy the rest. This means I’m sleeping in until about noon, but at least I’m averaging more than 2 hours sleep each night this week.
My word finding skills are not sharp lately and I struggle to think of what I’m trying to say or write. My short term memory is shot, very unreliable, and I reply “what?†much of the time when anyone tries to carry on a conversation with me. But I have warned everyone that this would be happening so hopefully they won’t loose their patience with me anytime soon. So far my family and friends have been very understanding about this issue. It’s harder for them to deal with my mood swings cuz sometimes I’m just plain grumpy for no apparent reason. I just respond “I’m sorry†and go climb into bed! LOL I’m monitoring my dizzy spells and my blood pressure spikes very closely. These are the most bothersome aspects of my physical reactions. Not sure if they are due to my own high blood pressure, the chemo meds, the radiation, or the actual brain cancer. And I’m hardly ever hungry lately. At least I still haven’t gotten sick like the doctor predicted might happen after the first 4 days. For that I am grateful. Not sure what I would do if I suddenly had to zoom all the way to the bathroom. I just might fall flat on my face if I tried to get up suddenly and make that sprint. LOL
Tomorrow I have an appointment with the Social Security office to see if I qualify for early retirement, SSI, or SSDI. I got all the necessary medical history and diagnostic paperwork from my doctor and have to track down so much more documentation today. It seems that I may not have worked enough quarters during the past 10 years to qualify for the SSI. We’ll see. Anything is better than what I’m receiving now.
So this is my physical and mental status. Emotionally, I’m just hanging in there, dealing with not driving or working and waiting for the radiation to end and the chemotherapy to resume once again. I can’t wait to try out the brand new infusion center and celebrate with them the excitement of having all of the oncology (cancer) departments in the same wing of the hospital. It will be nice to not have to run all over the place for my different appointments. But most of all, I’m holding my breath to see if my vision clears up, even a little, from this dramatic radiation treatment I’m undergoing. I have faith that it will extend my life a little, but will be eternally grateful if it improves the quality of my life as well.
Hugs, Mariposa
