I have been asked to say "something" at my friend's memorial this weekend.... what do you say?

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GloBug

Guest
My friend Jan died in August, and her memorial is this weekend. I've been asked to say "something" but I don't know what to say! I guess I could say how we met, the things we used to do... then what?

I guess I SHOULDN'T say the things she told me about some of the people who will be there.. like the "good friend" she lent money to who wrote bad checks every month to pay her back, or the other friend who dated losers she met on line... nah, I'll leave that stuff out! LOL!

But any suggestions from those who have spoken at these things?
 
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MARIPOSA

Guest
Well Globug, what would you think that Jan would say about you, if the tables were turned? Which of your secret adventures together would she be happy to finally share with the world. That is what I would share. I expect that bringing up the qualities in her life that you admired and then sharing examples of them would be quite appropriate, especially the ones that really touched you personally throughout all the years that you knew each other. From the little that I knew of her, Jan seemed to present a very positive and funny demeanor to the world. Maybe this is what her friends and family would like to hear as you celebrate her life, and the 'other side' (the very serious Jan) might be what you privately treasure in your heart and keep between just the two of you. ?????

Let me give you an example of what I shared at a memorial for one of my dear, sweet, funny, non verbal mentally retarded ladies that I cared for once in a while at a group home: Robin loved adventure and surprises, especially ones that made her laugh. Dancing and movement always gave her great pleasure.

One day I walked into her room at the convalescent hospital just in time to see her hospital bed quickly change positions from flat to upright, but no one was around. Robin shot up into the sitting position very fast, which startled her. But she had no idea why this had happened because she didn't understand that she had been holding onto the bed control and had the ability to make that bed move. OMG, her eyes flew open and she looked all around, saw me, and giggled for a very long time. She loved this new 'ride' but for the life of her couldn't figure out how to make it 'go' again. LOL I slowly lowered her bed to the proper position and she laid there with that silly grin on her face for quite a while as I performed our nightly ritual of moisturizing, massaging and tickling her feet. I certainly do miss my fun loving little buddy who so enjoyed the simple pleasures in life and will always treasure the joy that she brought to all the lives that she touched.

Hugs, Mariposa

PS< if I wrote my own eulogy I would mention how I was born to encourage others, was a perpetual student, never looked at anything quite like anyone else did, was never boring, and loved to laugh.
On my headstone I hope they write
"She finally got her L O N G Nap" LOL
 
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BostonsJ

Guest
Glo, The best eulogies are those that celebrate a persons life. The impacts the person personally made on you and what you witnessed about the person and how she made an impact on others.

Remembering the good times, the strength that you witnessed when your friend became ill. But the best eulogy ends with very positive and uplifting messages about the person. That is how I always approach the honor of being asked to speak at a funeral or memorial.

Remember you can't bring the person back, but you can uplift the spirits of the mourners you will be speaking to, with positive and loving memories to go away with.
 
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Calgon1

Guest
The amazing thing about memories; when people experience pain, they'll always be able to remember the fact that they were hurt, but will not be able to remember the pain itself. On the other hand, we can describe in infinite detail the memories, sensations, feelings, etc. of the good times.

So, as Mariposa and BostonsJ both said, concentrate on those good times. No, you can't bring Jan back. But in reality, there is no need to. As long as she's in your memory, she hasn't left. WE are not rembered for what we are so much as what impact we had. Concentrate on Jan's impact on you and others. Keep her memory alive and she'll live forever.
 
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Bobbie

Guest
Glo - Ask yourself this, "What made this woman so special to me?" Answer it briefly and with a little humor and love & you'll do just fine. :)
 
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GloBug

Guest
Thanks guys. I've been "writing" this in my head for weeks and weeks now, and pretty much, figured I would say the things you suggested. But hearing them from others who have been there have solidified ideas for me. What a great community you all are!
 
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cycofan

Guest
A friend of mine had this to say about what her mother taught her:

"Respect people, ask questions, and laugh, laugh, laugh."

Perhaps you could think about what you learned from Jan and go with that. I'll be thinking of you either way.....that would be a tough thing to do.
 
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ShipMaven

Guest
Glo - I've used this poem (author anonymous) at several eulogies, and it was always appreciated...

I’m Free

Don’t grieve for me, for now
I’m free. I’m following the path God has laid,
you see. I took His hand when I heard Him call.
I turned my back and left it all.
~~~
I could not stay another day. To laugh, to love,
to work or play. Tasks left undone must
stay that way. I found that peace
at the close of the day.
~~~
If my parting has left a void, then fill it with
remembered joys. A friendship shared, a laugh,
a kiss. Oh yes, these things I too will miss.
~~~
Be not burdened with times of sorrow. I wish you
the sunshine of tomorrow. My life’s been
full, I savored much. Good friends, good times,
a loved one’s touch.
~~~
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief. Don’t
lengthen it now with undue grief. Lift up your
hearts, and peace to thee!
~~~
God wanted me now – He set me free!

Perhaps you'll find it appropriate for Jan's service?
 
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GloBug

Guest
It is beautiful, MaryAnn. I'm typing through tears. I thought I was done crying for Jan, I guess I'm not quite there yet. Thank you.

Thank you everyone. Damn the circle of life. So much joy at the beginning of each new life, and so much sorrow at the ending. And much love in between. I don't think I would have it any other way.
 
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ShipMaven

Guest
Thanks, Hucc and Glo. Certainly the appreciation must be directed to the person who authored it. But they ARE compelling words and thoughts.
 
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Karry

Guest
Glo, there was a book I read years ago. Haven't the foggiest idea what the book was, (it was fiction) but it had this passage/paragraph in it and it so struck me that I copied it. Maybe you'd like to incorporate this in your eulogy.
As long as love is alive, the dead never die. It's not in the end alone that we love, but along the way. A love that endures the thorns of life calls out to us. When we listen, it lights the ground on which we walk and we know that we're not alone. And when the flame of life flickers out and is no more, the love you showed to others will light the ground for them to walk upon. :angel
 
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GloBug

Guest
Oh, that is beautiful! I will definately use some of that in what I say. Thank you.
 
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