I"m selfish and depressed

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korinalacount

Guest
cause daughter told me she probably will be going to boyfriends brothers house for Thanksgiving and maybe Christmas,he doesnt want to come here,longer drive and he has 8 brothers and sisters,his mom lives with one of the brothers,she is 73,and since I am only 53 she feels she needs to go there instead,now I know I am selfish but all I have is my 3 kids and John,my 87 year old mom lives in WI,as does my sister,that is all my family as I am adopted,her boyfriends family consists of 7 married couples and various grandchildren,he is the youngest at 33,so there will be about 50 people there.So its just me,the boys and John,knew this was going to happen some day but as they are not engaged or anything thought she would still come here,oh well,she said she probably would come for Christmas as his family doesnt do much then,I am just feeling sorry for myself! Sigh
 
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Donna - dsw

Guest
I totally understand - go ahead and feel that way for a minute.

Then - stop and realize how lucky you have it.

If you really want to do something good - go work in a homeless shelter this Thanksgiving and serve the people who have nothing.

I did this and it sure opened my eyes as to how lucky we are - - - even if we have to eat alone!

This year my hubby and I are going to my parents to cook for them so my sister and her family can go on a cruise. My sister takes care of my parents everyday as she lives in the same town they do. She sure derserves this break this year and I am happy to give up my time the help my parents and my sister.
 
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korinalacount

Guest
You are so right Donna,I usually do that stuff for Christmas,my sons will still be here,I just missed so many holidays,birthdays ect.when we moved out here,she stayed behind in WI and lived with her Dad for 6 months before entering University of WI,so from 17 to 23,till she moved out here I missed all that. Will be hitting the nursing homes and John some older peoples homes to fix their TVs for the holidays. And lots of baking for everyone,if I could of afforded it I would of loved to go home to WI for Thanksgiving and be with my mom! Thats wonderful what you are doing!
 
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nieciez

Guest
I understand how you feel. It is so hard to share the kids once they are grown, isn't it. I know how hard it is for me to get with my parents and sisters on the holidays now that I have grown children and grandchildren. It is impossible for ALL of us to be together...and the other problem is we all HATE driving I-95 during Thanksgiving. Christmas usually isn't so bad driving but this year with it being on Tuesday I am not sure how we will handle Christmas. Leatherneck and I have been spending Christmas morning with the kids/grandkids at brunch at DD Mindy's then head out to NJ and have dinner with my parents and sisters.
 
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Cruise cutie

Guest
...as I get older I am more philisophical about it..and I am shoving 50 fast ,and after almost 30 years as a nurse.. I work Thanksgiving and Christmas every year now for three years so those with younger kids.. can be at home.. I have NO relatives in Vermont.. nor does Mark.. so for over 20 plus years in order for us to see ANY of our kin we have to fly/drive.. so we treasure our times with them, and use the phone..

and with 5 kids who are all grown,all over the map.. and have obligations for work, and significant others..I just have to put my BIG Girl panties on, SUCK it up.. and Deal... does'nt mean I have to like it.. but then like all things in life.. it's a sacrifice to make it work..

Financially I have to make choices.. so it's work 5-6 days a week,Mark work as a District Manager in his field.. and have it all..Big trips; a couple times a year,house all paid for, big holidays, nice cars... or stay home, and not be happy to have less...

and make do with the visits as we connect.. we have a blended family..so after 10 years we have it down..

sad to say the Holidays make it tougher.. but after seeing so many sick, infirm, and those who have NO KIN.. they have died off.. or in such poor health..they cannot even make it..
I count our blessings.. and run to the "Happy Bank" and smile...Good luck.. sounds like you'll need it.....Joanne
 
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korinalacount

Guest
Joanne many kudos on giving up both Thanksgiving and Christmas,I remember being a nurses aid at a nursing home when I was young putting myself thru college,how no one came to visit them even on the holidays,how no one seemed to care,we do what we can but you go way above and beyond,just being a nurse you do so much,I hope my singing gives some comfort and Johns handy man skills but I think everyone on this board is pretty special.As for my kids we are very close,more family than most as we are all each other has,so its a real hard decision for her and I am not butting in as she will make his mother very happy.
 
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bostongal

Guest
=hugs Korina - Change is hard and around the holidays I think it's even harder to get used to but it is inevitable. I know that you will have a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas with your boys and dh and that you will think of and miss your dd too.

Meg
 
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BostonsJ

Guest
Yup sounds about right kids get older and need to split their Holiday time.

One thing that I have found though is that when kids experience Holidays with their spouse they always compare it to what they are used to at home. And they end up feeling torn and lonely for the traditions they have grown up with. It will be difficult but fine, and I'd rather be with my family at Christmas than Thanksgiving any way.

And. it is better she experience what his family is like now rather than much later in the relationship, if this is the guy, then she needs to be comfortable with his family too or it could cause real problems in the relationship.

My Mom goes home to MA one year Thanksgiving next year Christmas. That way no noses out of joint between the two families it is done fairly. It is tough but we did adjust. This year one of his spoiled rotten grandchildren(I really love my Mom's husband but his grandkids are spoiled rotten brats) anyway the daughter and grandaughter planned a trip over Thanksgiving and it is their year to have my Mom and their father/grandfather on Thanksgiving not Christmas. So she asked my mother to switch Holidays. My mother said no way I was here for Christmas last year this year it is my time with my mother and children and grandchildren. You go Edith!
 
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KathyC

Guest
I understand your feelings but as BostonsJ said it might be good for her to see how his family is at the holidays if they are really serious about each other. I have no doubt that she will be homesick.
 
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