Don't go telling everyone that I was adopted. That's just not right.
And it wouldn't matter anyways.
Your Dad and I waited to have you till we were MARRIED. I didn't want any B^)(_*+d child bringing that up in my face the rest of my life. But you turned out to be such a handful that we never had any more kids. Now you know the whole story!! Satisfied!!
Your father left me for a younger fluzzy that lived in Florida. Most likely close to that Ex wife of yours. I think that's all that lives in Florida is Fluzzies!!
He tried crawling back to me, but I changed the locks and told him to be on his way. That's when things went downhill for a few years, well.....okay a decade or two for me. But I'm living high on the horse now. Life in Fiji is wonderful. I'd invite you to the new house, but I'm afraid you might spoil things for me.
Okay, have yourself a great New Years Eve and stay out of the gutters for heavens sake.