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NIGHT TRAIN
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THUNDERBIRD
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WILD IRISH ROSE
MD 20/20
MD 20/20
18% or 13% alc. by vol.
As majestic as the cascading waters of a drain pipe, MD 20/20 is bottled by the 20/20 wine company in Westfield, New York. This is a good place to start for the street wine rookie, but beware; this dog has a bite to back up its bark. MD Stands for Mogen David, and is affectionately called "Mad Dog 20/20". You'll find this beverage as often in a bum's nest as in the rock quarry where the high school kids sneak off to drink. This beverage is likely the most consumed by non-bums, but that doesn't stop any bums from drinking it! Our research indicates that MD 20/20 is the best of the bum wines at making you feel warm inside. Some test subjects report a slight numbing agent in MD 20/20, similar to the banana paste that the dentist puts in your mouth before injecting it with novocain. Anyone that can afford a dentist should steer clear of this disaster. Avaliable in various nauseating tropical flavors that coat your whole system like bathtub scum, but only the full "Red Grape Wine" flavor packs the 18% whallop.
Liquor stores are starting to be infiltrated by a 13% variety of MD 20/20 Red Grape. There is also a new "Blue Raspberry" flavor with "BLING BLING". Even the lowest functioning of bums will know not to get swindled out of 5%.
Rankings:
Worst taste:
1. Thunderbird
2. Wild Irish Rose
3. Night Train
4. Cisco
5. MD 20/20
Getting wasted:
1. Cisco
2. Thunderbird
3. Night Train
4. Wild Irish Rose
5. MD 20/20
Warmth:
1. MD 20/20
2. Thunderbird
3. Wild Irish Rose
4. Night Train
5. Cisco
Each wine put forth some stiff competition, and the judging was difficult. The bottom line: these wines are all horrible. We did the research so you can stay away from them.
The great street wines are pretty much evenly priced, and range between $1.10 and $2.80, depending on the tax and transportation costs in your area. Of course, with all five, the first sip is always the foulest. You will feel a trail of flames all the way down your esophagus and into your stomach. We do not recommend chugging any of these beverages, but you don't want to drink too slow or it will get piss warm. The bottle tells you to serve very cold, and we recommend heeding those words. Nobody in any of our tests dared to drink more than 750 mL, and we do not recommend even that much. Go with the 375 mL bottle where avaliable, and see how that sits with you before proceeding. Anything more and you are risking a black out. Don't drink too much of any of these or you might find yourself at the local middleschool sniffing bicycle seats. You may even worship the sun.
